


The Time When Sephiroth Began The Reunion Accidentially

by Kimmimaru



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Gen, Science Experiments, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 04:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6840001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmimaru/pseuds/Kimmimaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SOLDIER has gone insane, many of the seconds and thirds have started a new fashion trend and a cult. Sephiroth quickly realises he's the centre of something but doesn't know what, Genesis is having a great time watching Sephiroth fall apart at the seams and Cloud's just trying to get on with his day...seriously, what the hell is with these cloak wearing weirdos?</p><p>A story where Sephiroth is clueless, Zack thinks he's a dog, Genesis is just in it for the lulz, Angeal needs to change his name to 'mother', and Cloud's the only sane person in ShinRa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Time When Sephiroth Began The Reunion Accidentially

**Author's Note:**

> Pure crack and stupidity. Do not take this seriously. I've essentially taken the aspects of the characters personalities and exaggerated them, just for funsies. This is aimed at people who have played the OG, it has a lot of OG references. I tried to go for a kind of Monty Python-esque feel for this story, because I love Monty Python (in all likelihood I failed). Set during Crisis Core.

Sephiroth dreamed of a voice. He lay in bed, eyes closed as the voice whispered to him sweetly. He saw swirling torrents of green energy and then his eyes snapped open. He lay still, breathing heavily. He blinked a few times before calming himself and slowly sitting up. His room was dark, it must have been early morning. Black sheets slid down over his chest to pool around his middle as he lifted a hand and scratched at his head, blinking as he peered blearily at his clock. Three am. He sighed heavily and turned to the bedroom door, considering going to get himself a calming cup of tea before resuming his rest, when he spotted several dark clad figures hovering over his bed. He sucked in a sharp breath, sliding out of bed on the opposite side. "Who are you?" He demanded, glaring at the intruders as he reached for his sword which was resting against the wall. 

"Sephi...roth..."

Sephiroth moved around his bed warily, ensuring he kept the point of his blade aimed at the dark-clad men. "Who are you?" He repeated.

A man cleared his throat, shifting awkwardly before turning to his friends. There was a round of hushed whispers before the man finally turned back to him. "We're...er...SOLDIER, sir." he said finally.

"And what the hell are you doing in my bedroom?"

"To be honest sir, we're not entirely sure." The man pulled back his hood and frowned, he seemed very confused. "A bunch of us just woke up and felt a need to come see you."

Sephiroth lowered his sword, not sensing any danger from these men. "And you decided to come dressed as...wizards?" He asked with a frown, indicating their cloaks with one hand.

"W-We just kinda got the urge to put them on, ya'know?" Another man shrugged, he looked painfully helpless and Sephiroth sighed. "I mean, Jeff here...he couldn't get hold of a black cloak...they sold out apparently. So he had to get a white one and...well..." He dragged another man forward who looked highly embarrassed. His cloak was a weird marbled grey colour. "He tried to dye it and it went wrong, he kinda ruins the whole effect."

"Fuck off, Henry! I can't help it, I'm a victim of circumstance." Jeff grumbled.

"Sorry but it does kinda look weird, man."

"Why didn't you use a bin-liner?" Another man asked, lifting his hand as if he was at school.

"Why the hell would he use a bin-liner? That'd look worse than the grey cloak!" Henry replied, shaking his head.

"What about a bed sheet?" Another suggested half heartedly.

"No! That's just cheap and tacky-"

"All right! Just...just get out and leave me alone." Sephiroth demanded. The men shuffled away obediently, one man glancing back and giving Sephiroth the thumbs up.

Sephiroth had a difficult time getting back to sleep that night. When he woke the next morning, feeling groggy and irritable he got up and started his morning routine. 

Genesis stood in the door way to the SOLDIER lounge, a frown on his face as he observed the Third and Second Classes milling around and talking softly amongst themselves. Angeal came up behind him. "What are you doing, Genesis?" He asked before lifting his eyes to the room. "Holy mother of Shiva, what the hell are they all doing?" He frowned.

"I'm not sure but I've been watching them for a while and they all seem to be wearing similar cloaks...that one over there is wearing what I think is a bed sheet." Genesis frowned. "It appears to be some sort of new fashion among them. I'm considering commissioning a crimson cloak from that nice tailors in Sector Six. It's all very dramatic."

"Please don't start wearing cloaks, it's not very battle-convenient." 

Genesis sighed. "No, I suppose not."

"But why are they all wearing cloaks?"

"Not sure." Genesis shrugged. "Maybe it's some charity thing? 'Wear a cloak to work day' or something?"

"Hey, Angeal!"

Angeal turned to see his student running over to him excitedly, he was unpleasantly surprised to see him in a black hoodie and not his uniform. "Zack, what happened to your uniform?" He demanded as his puppy came to an abrupt halt before him, eyes wide and looking like a scolded child. 

"I didn't wanna wear it." He replied mulishly. "I wanted to wear a cloak but I couldn't find one anywhere! All the shops have sold out, how weird is that?" He looked in through the doors of the SOLDIER lounge and saw all his fellow SOLDIER's wearing black cloaks. "Huh...that'd explain it." He muttered, frowning. "I thought I'd make a statement if I wore one, now I'm just gunna look like an idiot."

"Why did you want to wear a cloak?" Angeal asked in confusion.

Zack shrugged. "Just felt like it, Angeal."

"Strange." Genesis muttered, looking back at the SOLDIER's who were grouped together and seemed to be starting some sort of weird chant. It drifted over to them.

"Sephiroth...Sephiroth...Sephiroth...Sephiroth..."

"Well, that's new." Genesis muttered. "It sounds like they're...worshipping him. Surely all of them can't be members of the Silver Elite?! That's more fans than you and I combined Angeal!"

Angeal reached out and grabbed his student's shoulder to prevent him from moving towards the group. "Stay." He demanded.

"B-But...Sephiroth..." He moaned, turning wild eyes to Angeal. 

"Don't tell me you want to join those creeps?" 

"Yeah...I kinda do." Zack sighed, turning eyes full of longing towards the group. "Hey! There's Kunsel!" He waved energetically and Kunsel waved back, grinning.

"Zack! I got the last black cloak in Midgar! Looks pretty cool, huh?"

"Aw, man! I look stupid. Sephiroth's gunna laugh at me." Zack sulked.

"GET OFF OF ME!"

The shout echoed through the hall and made the three SOLDIER's turn to look. Angeal saw Sephiroth run around a corner, eyes wild in his face as he pelted towards them. He dived behind Genesis and used him like a human shield as a large group of SOLDIER's followed at his heels. The soft sound of his name being chanted grew louder as they came on, arms outstretched as if to touch him. 

"Sephiroth...Sephiroth..." They groaned as they came to a halt and spread out, one man threw back his hood and waved a hand at his face, he looked flushed. "Stop running! We can't be near you if you keep running away!"

"I don't want you to be near me!" Sephiroth snapped in reply. "Go home or go do your jobs, stop bothering me!"

One man stumbled forward, eyes wide and gasping as he fell at Sephiroth's feet. He crawled forward, weeping as he tried to kiss his boots. "Sephiroth! I love you! Let me be near you! I can't stand it!" Sephiroth lashed out, kicking the man in the face and breaking his nose. The man fell back and cupped his nose, breathing harshly but grinning as tears leaked from his eyes. "Yes! Did you see that?! He kicked me in the face!" He laughed happily, the sound cracking and turning into a wail. "It feels so good!"

"What. The. Hell?" Angeal muttered, frowning at the crowd.

Zack rushed forward, grabbing Sephiroth's coat and grinning up at him as he dropped to his knees. "Sephiroth! Kick me too!"

"And me!"

"And me!"

"No! Me!"

"I wanna feel your boot in my nuts!" One man screamed, flinging himself forward and landing heavily at Sephiroth's feet.

Sephiroth backed away, shaking the men free and putting Genesis between himself and them again. "Go away!" He moaned.

"What is going on?" Genesis asked, blinking as Zack tried to push him out of the way to get at Sephiroth.

"I don't know! Everyone's gone bat-shit crazy!" Sephiroth snapped, glaring at the men as they started to close in. "I walked past a group of them and they threw themselves off of a balcony on my way here! I can't stop them!"

"It appears you've started a cult." Angeal commented, grabbing Zack by the hood of his hoodie and dragging him backwards, he struggled and whined weakly. "I knew those fanclubs were a bad idea."

"No one in my fanclub has killed themselves for me." Genesis sighed sadly.

"That's a good thing, it means at least some people are still sane." Angeal snapped, grappling with his student who was trying to escape his arms and get at Sephiroth again.

"Reunion..." One man groaned, stumbling forward before rolling around the floor in ecstasy. Others joined him, chanting Sephiroth's name and the word 'Reunion' over and over.

"Why won't they shut up?" Sephiroth groaned.

"Come on, let's get you out of here." Angeal sighed and took his friend's arm with his free hand, he dragged Zack with him as they started off back down the corridor. They could hear a scuffle as the black-cloaked men started to try and follow but it caused a massive blockage in the hallway. 

Cloud had noticed the unusual rise in men in cloaks, how could he not? It was all the infantry talked about. Apparently some members of the Silver Elite had started some kind of suicide pact and were killing themselves for Sephiroth. Cloud frowned down at his PHS and shook his head. "Some people are so weird." He muttered, walking down a corridor. He had considered joining in with the cloak wearing fans but then he had seen the news and learnt about the suicides. He liked Sephiroth but not that much, he kinda liked living a lot more. He passed by a group of cloaked men, they were huddled around each other and talking excitedly. He paused to listen in.

"He's in the SOLDIER lounge..."

"He was but he's gone again." 

"He's gone home, that's obvious. Probably locked himself inside his room."

Cloud frowned, they were talking about Sephiroth? He walked over and tapped one on the shoulder. "Hey, who're you talking about?" He asked.

"Sephi....roth..." One man moaned dramatically.

"Not like that, Chris! You sound stupid. It's more like...Sephirooooooth...More moaning, less pauses."

"Oh shut up, Bob! Who made you king of acting?" Chris snapped.

"Uh-e-excuse me?" Cloud tried but the men were lost in their argument. He sighed.

"What about: R-Reunion....Reeeeunion..." Chris said.

"Better. Much better." Bob agreed.

"Ooookaaay..." Cloud turned away and bumped into another black cloaked figure who immediately collapsed with a dramatic wail. He blinked down at him as he rolled on the floor before his whole body flickered and he disappeared. "What?" Cloud said blankly, blinking at a now empty cape with a potion sitting in its folds. He bent and picked it up, it would come in useful later he suspected. He moved on, humming a little as two SOLDIER's without cloaks spotted the empty one on the floor and started a loud, vicious fist fight over it.

"They've got me!" Sephiroth gasped, stumbling as hands grabbed his legs. He lashed out but his foot was well and truly stuck. Looking down he realised what had grabbed him, a low growl escaped his lips. "Zack Fair, unhand me this instant!" He demanded, shaking his leg and watching Zack cling tighter and shake his head.

"Nope." He said firmly. "I have to be near you! I don't even know why! I was never in your fan club but I have to be as close to you as possible! Sephirooooth!"

"Zack, get off of him!" Angeal snapped, trying to prise his student from Sephiroth's leg with no success. "You're supposed to be my fan!"

"Sorry Angeal." Zack snuggled firmly against Sephiroth's leg, rubbing his face against his thigh and sighing. "I am complete now." 

"What is happening?! Has everyone gone totally nuts?!" Sephiroth growled, turning and trying to walk away with Zack still clinging to him. 

"So it would appear." Genesis sighed, sweeping hair from his eyes. "I'm jealous, your fans are so devoted."

"You're welcome to them, Genesis." Sephiroth hissed.

"SEPHIROOOOOOTH!"

Sephiroth had no ability to flee as something threw itself at him, he moved aside as best he could and the man fell with a thud to the floor before scrambling around and grabbing Zack's legs. "Get off!" Sephiroth moaned. "Angeal, help!" He tried to prise the men off of him but they were gripping him as if their lives depended on it.

"They've got super strength, likely caused by overzealous devotion...I'm sorry Sephiroth, I can't help." Angeal shrugged. 

They started walking again, Sephiroth limping as he dragged two SOLDIER's with him. As they walked more men started to crawl out of doors on either side of the corridors, they attached themselves to the back of the long line and allowed themselves to be dragged along too. Some of them were sobbing in ecstasy, others were purring. Sephiroth was struggling now as he pulled a long line of black cloaked figures after him. Genesis seemed to find the situation endlessly amusing and Angeal tried to ignore the fact that his student was clinging to another man and rubbing himself over him, he wouldn't admit he was jealous. Zack was his student, his fan, it wasn't fair that Sephiroth would steal him away.

Cloud sighed as he saw the line of SOLDIER's all clinging to one another's legs and slowly being dragged along by something he couldn't see. He had to get to his materia class and this was taking the piss, there was a massive blockage caused by these nut case fans and it wasn't funny anymore. Gingerly he started to pick his way through them, occasionally stepping on a hand or another body part. "Sorry! Excuse me! Coming through!" He muttered, moving as cautiously as possible. He stepped on one guys face who swore loudly but didn't let go of the man's legs he was holding. "Sorry!"

"Oh no problem kid." The man grumbled.

Cloud moved on, finally reaching his class room and pushing open the door. He entered and sat down with a sigh. "Good afternoon class." Their teacher said and Cloud frowned as he realised that he too was dressed in a black cloak. "Sephiroth..." He moaned and then cleared his throat with a frown. "Today we're-reunion-going to start learning about Fire materia...Sephiroth..."  
"Uh-sir?" One of Cloud's class mates lifted a hand uncertainly.

"Yes?"

"A-are you all right?"

"Absolutely-Black materia-fine. Thank you." The man smiled, seemingly unaware that he was even saying anything unusual. He turned to the board and began drawing something, talking away as his class took notes. Cloud wasn't sure if he had to record the random mutterings about Sephiroth, the reunion and whatever the hell black materia was but he did so anyway, he couldn't be sure what was going to be in the exam and he wasn't taking any chances. When his tutor drew away from the board the class got a good look at what he had drawn, it was an image of the planet with a massive meteor crashing towards it. They stirred uneasily.

"Sir?"

"Yes?" The tutor look up, eyes glowing from beneath his hood.

"What did you just draw on the board?"

"I drew you a picture on the proper form to activate Fire materia." He sighed, shaking his head. "Perhaps you had better listen more closely, Black materia."

"Sir, my name's Martin."

"That's what I said, Reunion. Pay attention."

"Sir, that's really not what you just drew!" Another boy insisted.

"It is. I know what I drew, Barry."

"Look!" 

The tutor sighed irritably. "Ok, I think you've all been under a little too much pressure lately. Class is dismissed early, today." He shook his head and turned back to the board as he began to wipe away his drawing, his strange mutters followed the class out.

Hojo watched the SOLDIER's curiously. They milled around outside the labs and moaned to each other. "This is most unusual." He said to himself as he took hold of one man and peered into his eyes. "Highly unusual." He nodded and turned away, hearing the man swear at him. "I wonder what's happening?"

"Reunion. Greg's been acting weird lately, hasn't he?"

"Yeah-Sephiroth-I noticed it too."

"I dunno man, I wanna go see the General...No idea why. I've always been a die hard fan of Genesis. Joined his fanclub, Red Leather, as soon as I made SOLDIER but now...now I kinda wanna be part of the Silver Elite. Black materia."

"You think it's some kind of illness?" One man asked warily.

"Nah. Sephiroth. I think we're fine...maybe its just herd mentality?"

Hojo hummed curiously. "Reunion?" A grin spread across his face and he ran back into the labs excitedly. "It's happening! It's really happening! I'm not prepared! This is a disaster!" He bumped into one of his assistants but rushed on again before the man could ask him what was wrong, he dived into his lab and began rummaging through his things. "This is amazing! Amazing! I must bring him down here immediately. I have to run so many tests..." He snatched up his PHS and dialled Sephiroth's number. "Sephiroth! Come down to the labs immediately!" Hojo cried as soon as Sephiroth picked up.

"You must be joking, Hojo! I've barricaded myself in my room because if I leave I'm going to be mobbed!"

Sephiroth frowned irritably as he sat on his sofa and listened to the insane mob outside his door. Moans of his name joined the constant pounding while Angeal started to drag a book case across it, a vain attempt to keep them out. Genesis sat in another seat, reclining elegantly while he drank some Banora cider and smirked in amusement. Zack was tied up and dumped in a corner, Sephiroth had had enough of his clinging and had used his own belt to secure the irritating brat. 

"This is important, Sephiroth. I need you here, now." Hojo insisted angrily.

"No." Sephiroth hung up and tossed the phone at the wall where it went straight into the plaster and through the other side. An arm groped its way through the hole and Sephiroth got up, furious now as he swung his sword and lopped the intruding appendage right off. Another one tried to get through as the man's screams pierced the moaning and chanting, Sephiroth grabbed it and yanked as hard as he could, snapping the bones easily. "Go away!" He screamed, his voice cracking as he felt close to losing his composure completely. "Leave me alone!"

Angeal sighed, staring down at the bloody mess of bone and flesh on the floor before grabbing a nearby table and smashing it to bits. "Get me a hammer and some nails." He said and Sephiroth disappeared into his kitchen, he returned holding the requested items. Angeal made short work of covering the hole using the bits of smashed table before settling back and nodding. "That should hold them for a while." 

"It had better." Sephiroth growled.

"This is kind of fun." Genesis grinned. "I like seeing you so stressed out."

"Go die in a fire, Genesis!" Sephiroth snarled, hands clenching into two tight fists.

"But then I would miss the action." Genesis' smirk widened as Sephiroth made to move towards him but Angeal intervened, grabbing Sephiroth and hauling him back again.

"Mmf, Mff. Mmmmmff..." Zack said, blinking at them.

"What?" Genesis asked.

"No idea. Who cares?" Angeal shrugged, still feeling stung at Zack's betrayal. 

"Mf. Mf!" Zack's muffled attempts at speech around the sock stuffed in his mouth started to become more insistent as he struggled in his bonds. "Mmmmf!" He sobbed.

Angeal sighed and went to Zack, pulling the gag from his mouth and frowning. "What is it?" He asked.

"I need to piss." Zack replied sulkily.

"Ok, I'll let you go-"

"No! Don't you dare free him!" Sephiroth snapped, he now had one hand around Genesis' throat, choking him casually while he focussed on Angeal and Zack. 

"I'm gunna pee all over your carpet." Zack replied.

"Then Angeal can take you to the toilet!" Sephiroth snapped, tightening his grip on Genesis' throat as he tried to struggle free.

"Sephiroth, let go of Genesis." Angeal sighed. "He's turning blue." He put an arm around Zack and lifted him off the floor. "Come on, let's get you to the toilet."

Sephiroth sniffed but released Genesis who fell back into his seat, rubbing his bruised throat and gasping. Sephiroth picked up his cider and drank it all in one long swig, he coughed a little and put it back on the table. "Hey! That was my last one, you dick!" Genesis snarled.

"Tough." Sephiroth replied sharply, hiccoughing a little and blinking watery eyes. He hated fizzy drinks but he hated Genesis more, and the satisfaction he got from pissing him off outweighed the irritation of having hiccoughs. 

"You are such a bastard."

"I know. Great, isn't it?" Sephiroth smirked, striding to the door and pressing his ear against it. He frowned as he listened, attempting to see if anyone was out there still. "It's gone quiet." He whispered. "Hic." He said and frowned as the moaning started all over again. "Oh for-hic-Shiva's sake! Hic."

"Still out there?" Genesis asked, gazing sulkily into the empty bottle. "I hope you choke and die on your hiccoughs." He added.

"I hope you choke on all that-hic-dick you're always sucking-hic." Sephiroth retorted.

"I'll stab you in your face." Genesis growled.

"And I'll rip you open and-hic-feed your worthless guts to Hojo's latest experiment!" 

"I hope you get eaten by a Nibel Bear!"

"I hope one of your precious summons burns your stupid face off-hic!"

"I'll set fire to your hair!" Genesis stood up, advancing menacingly on Sephiroth with a handful of fire. 

"You-hic-wouldn't dare!" Sephiroth said in outrage, grabbing his hair tightly to hold it out of Genesis' way.

"Oh I would. I would love to see what you looked like bald!"

"I'll kill you before you get close you piece of shit! No one threatens my hair!" Sephiroth backed into a wall. "I'll turn off the-hic-dehumidifier!" He finally shouted, his hand on the button of the machine by the wall. 

Genesis froze, eyes wide. "You wouldn't!" 

"I totally-hic-would." Sephiroth glared at him, seeing the horror on his face.

"You know what humidity does to my hair you ass!"

Sephiroth smirked. "I do." He flicked the switch and Genesis screamed, launching himself at Sephiroth violently. "Hic!" He cried in surprise.

Angeal walked back into the living room to see Genesis and Sephiroth scrabbling at each other, biting, scratching and tearing at each other like cats. Genesis was screaming at Sephiroth about turning something back on while Sephiroth swore back, occasionally hiccoughing. He managed to open up a scratch on Genesis' cheek while he ended up with a bite mark in the side of his hand. Angeal sighed and rubbed at his eyes, he was sick to death of their stupid fighting. "BREAK IT UP!" He shouted, using his 'commanders voice' as Zack called it. Both men broke away from each other and backed up, both of them looked at the floor like scolded children. "I have had it up to here with you two!" He growled, stalking forward while Zack bit at the leather binding his wrists in an attempt to chew through it. "You're acting like two children! Do you want me to bang your heads together?!"

Sephiroth dragged one boot across the carpet, glaring at it. "No." He mumbled.

Genesis folded his arms across his chest and frowned at the wall. "He started it." He mumbled.

"You're both as bad as each other! Now, go to your room and you're not coming out till you can get along nicely!"

Sephiroth glared at Genesis before striding towards his bedroom door, Genesis huffed. "But Angeal-"

"No buts! No supper for either of you!" Angeal snapped and watched Genesis whine petulantly before stamping his foot and stalking off after Sephiroth.

Zack lifted his head from his wrists, spitting a chunk of leather belt to the floor. "Can you let me go now?" He asked.

"No. Go lie down on your bed." Angeal growled, pointing towards a blanket on the floor. Zack whined piteously, turning large eyes to his mentor who folded his arms over his chest and glared. After a second Zack shuffled to the blanket and sat down with a huff, he started to chew on the belt again despondently. Angeal sighed and went to the kitchen, he made himself a cup of tea and returned to the living room again to find Zack curled up and fast asleep. He was snoring gently and twitching his leg. Angeal smiled fondly. "Chasing Jumpings again, Zack?" He muttered and the boy whined. He went to the bedroom and pressed his ear against the door, he frowned as he heard no sound from within. Slowly he pushed the door open to find Genesis and Sephiroth fast asleep too, Sephiroth taking up much of the bed while Genesis curled on his side, sucking his thumb. Angeal smiled fondly at them, leaning against the door frame and sipping his tea. "So cute." He sighed. "Wish you'd be this quiet all the time. Sweet dreams pumpkin's." He turned away and closed the door quietly behind him.

The next day Cloud was walking the corridors again, on his way to his hand-to-hand combat training when he came across a group of cloaked SOLDIER's arguing.

"I found it, I get to give it to him!"

"Fuck right off! I saw it first!"

"No! Give it back you shit-head!"

"Chocobo fucker!"

"Ass wipe!"

"Dick face!"

"...Giant cock muncher!"

Cloud blinked as one man punched the other and a black ball went flying into the air. He reached out automatically and caught it.

"GIVE IT! IT'S MINE! I'M GUNNA TAKE IT TO SEPHIROTH!" The men screamed, scratching at each other, biting and pulling each others hair. Cloud stared at the ball, seeing it glint innocently in the light, he pocketed it and continued on his way. Rather than going to his training session he climbed into one of the elevators and pushed the 'up' button to the SOLDIER floor. The materia obviously belonged to Sephiroth so he decided it would be best he returned it, he wasn't sure how important it was but it looked like materia. He had never seen black materia before. 

Angeal was busy in the kitchen making pancakes, he whistled as he worked as he heard Genesis and Sephiroth moving around in the bedroom. Zack was still snoring away on his blanket and all was peaceful. 

"Mm. Can I smell pancakes?" Genesis muttered, rubbing his eyes and yawning as he walked into the kitchen and sat down.

"Yes." Angeal smiled, wiping his hands on his pink apron and handing Genesis a plate with a stack of pastries dripping in syrup. 

"Oooh, yummy!" Genesis grinned and tucked in as Sephiroth emerged and sat down at his side silently.

While they were eating there was a soft knock on the door, Angeal frowned and went to get it. He entered the living room and saw Zack throwing himself at the door.

"SOMEONE'S HERE!" He cried, pawing at it with his still-bound hands and looking at Angeal excitedly. "Someone's outside! Get it! Get the door! Oh my gods, a visitor!"

"Zack, calm down." Angeal sighed, nudging the boy out of his way with a boot before pushing the book case out the way and opening the door. "Hel-" Before he could even finish his greeting Zack had pushed himself between Angeal's legs and launched himself at the small blond, flattening him instantly.

"CLOOOOUD! OH MY GODS! CLOOOOOUD!" He howled, trying to give the infantry man a hug but failing and merely punching him in the face instead. "IT'S CLOOOOUD!" He turned bright eyes to Angeal and grinned.

"Ow." Cloud groaned, holding his bruised nose.

Angeal leaned down, picked Zack up by the scruff of his neck and threw him back into the apartment. Cloud climbed to his feet. "You must be Cloud." He said, smiling. "My name's Angeal, I'm Zack's mentor."

"Hi. It's nice to finally meet you sir, Zack's told me a lot about you." He said, holding out a hand and shaking Angeal's. 

"Would you like to come in? I've made pancakes."

"Can I have pancakes? I like pancakes. Please? Huh? Pretty Please?" Zack whinged from the other side of the door. "I need to pee. I need to go for a walk. Can I have pancakes? They smell real good."

"Zack, shut up!" Angeal snapped before turning back to Cloud. "Please, come in."

"YAY!" Zack cried, bouncing around the living room. He picked up one of Sephiroth's shoes and brought it to Cloud as he entered the room. "Cloud's having pancakes with us!" Zack grinned.

"Uh..yeah..." Cloud looked uncertainly at the shoe before putting it back on the rack. Zack picked it up again and took it back to his blanket, he started to chew on it. 

"Zack! Bad boy! Stop that!" Angeal snatched the shoe away and smacked Zack on the back of the head. Somewhere from further in the kitchen he could hear Genesis and Sephiroth arguing again, he rubbed at his forehead, frowning. "Cloud, please take a seat and make yourself at home."

"Thank you, sir." Cloud said, smiling sweetly.

"Get your filthy hands off of my syrup!"

"Gods you're so selfish! I hate you!"

"WILL YOU TWO CUT IT OUT ALREADY?!" Angeal shouted as he entered the kitchen to find Genesis leaning over the table to get at Sephiroth who was holding the syrup as far out of his reach as possible. "We have a guest, this isn't any way to greet them, is it?"

Sephiroth frowned and put the syrup back on the table, nudging it towards Genesis. "Who is it?" He asked.

"Cloud, Zack's infantry friend." Angeal replied, moving to the frying pan and putting it back on the heat. "He's staying for pancakes."

"Ooh, good. I've always wanted to meet him." Genesis smiled.

"Only so you can fuck him." Sephiroth replied.

"You have no faith in me, do you?"

"Boys." Angeal growled and they both fell quiet. When Angeal brought Cloud some pancakes he found the blond squished into the sofa with Zack on his lap, Cloud was giggling as Zack laughed brightly. "Here." Angeal said, offering the pancakes to Cloud.

"Thank you." Cloud said, smiling as he pushed Zack onto the floor and straightened up. Zack lifted his head and sniffed at the food before Angeal smacked him with a rolled up magazine, Zack whined and sat down looking sad. Sephiroth and Genesis entered and Cloud abruptly stood up. "Sephiroth, sir!" He gasped, eyes wide.

"Cloud...Strife...isn't it?" Sephiroth said as he moved towards the boy.

"Y-Yes sir."

"It's nice to meet a friend of Zack's." He said and sat down elegantly.

"Sir, I have something that I think is yours!" Cloud started to rummage in his pocket. "It's why I came actually." He withdrew the black materia and held it out. "I heard that you wanted it."

Sephiroth frowned and took the glowing ball, it brightened as he held it and light shimmered around it. Somewhere Hojo's loud scream of frustration could be heard as the world started to shake and rumble. 

"Gods damn it! I'M NOT REEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAADYYYYYY!"

Cloud looked towards the window and gasped as he saw a massive meteor appear in the sky. Windows shattered. Wind howled. 

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" The planet said before everything exploded.


End file.
